


Anchorage, Alaska

by spoky



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Hopeful Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-10-14 14:02:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10537995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spoky/pseuds/spoky
Summary: DISCLAIMER: This story is RPF, meaning that I use the star image of real people to tell a completely fictional story. It's not meant to offend or insult anyone. Please do not share my fiction with the people I write about on social media or otherwise. Thank you. (For full disclaimer, please see my profile.)Brian hated how artificial and forced their interactions had become since the breakup. There hadn’t been fighting, yelling, nor broken glass. There hadn’t been shattered mirrors or fractured bones. Right now Brian was hoping that there had been...





	

_Checked 7 of 16 providers._  
_Searching Delta…_  
_Checked 11 of 16 providers._  
_Searching United…_  
_1 of 534 results (show all)._  
  
Brian clicked open the light blue ‘show all’-link.  
  
_We’ve applied your filters._  
  
The notification made Brian halt. Filters? He skimmed the page through. Ah, right, the setting that he only wanted to see straight flights. The price tag was smaller than he had expected, which confirmed his decision. If ever, now was the time to go slightly haywire and be spontaneous. He had absolutely nothing to lose and a break from his everyday reality, accompanied by a beautiful distraction, seemed like a reasonable idea. If not now, when?  
  
He reached for the coffee mug on his left and took a sip.  
  
‘Ugh,’ he grimaced and made a face at the lukewarm liquid. Maybe this was the universe’s way of reminding him, that coffee wasn’t the most reasonable beverage option at 1am?

Brian wrinkled his nose at the mug, stood up and walked to the kitchen. Holding the instant coffee jar, he clicked the electric kettle to boil. If the universe wanted to boss him around, it should’ve treated him nicer to begin with. That was the first step of grooming any victim; be nice to them. Brian was not at all committed to follow the subtle hints the universe was sending him.  
  
He heard the front door open and closed his eyes in annoyance. Brian was back already? He focused on his breathing and reminded himself of the power of pranayam. Some deep breaths could bring peace, relaxation and emotional balance. He listened to Brian make his way into the apartment and was little taken aback when he was face with Trixie in their shared kitchen. The kitchen they had shared for years, the kitchen where they had cooked and fucked. Their situation was different now. There was no _them ._

Brian glanced up to Trixie who looked the same as always, artificially beautiful. There was something different, however, in the way she carried herself nowadays. Her step seemed somehow lighter, her smile brighter. There was also something new in the voice she greeted him with. It was almost like he didn’t know her anymore. It wasn’t _his_ Trixie. When the change had taken place, Brian couldn’t tell.

Trixie clearly hadn’t been expecting to see him either. Her body language was reserved as she moved in circles around him, making sure not to invade too much of his personal space. The same space he used to share with her, the space Trixie had once claimed co-ownership over. Brian worried his lower lip. Would they ever share a joke again?

Trixie reached for some leftover pizza from the fridge. The dried-up, depressed ‘spinach and pineapple’ -combination made Brian smile. Apparently Trixie had yet to learn to change their regular order into something she wouldn’t have to readjust later. As Trixie started to pick out the pineapples with her fingers, Brian snatched the pieces to himself. The familiar interaction created an uncomfortable tension between them and made Trixie halt for a moment. Brian wondered whether it was socially acceptable to eat your ex lover’s leftovers?  
  
“I thought you’d be asleep,” Trixie said quietly.  
  
“Yeah, me too,” Brian agreed. The sofa he had been sleeping on for the past two weeks wasn’t his first choice. Neither were the other sofas offered to him. He really needed to find an apartment. Something temporary would do.  
  
It had started great. They had been “on the same page”, so to speak. When Trixie had talked about _magic_ , Katya had nodded enthusiastically that _the force_ made perfect sense. They agreed that the villain of the story was not only pale and deformed, but a racist fascist. The protagonist was too young and too immature to take on the responsibility they were entrusted with, and still somehow managed to get the job done. Their personalities and narratives had been so compatible that they hadn’t bothered to look deeper. They had ignored the small signs. It had taken them years to figure out that there was something fundamentally flawed in the equation. Yes, they might’ve been on the same page, but somehow it had escaped them that they were, in fact, reading entirely different books. It was like they’d been living in parallel universes.

When the reality had finally dawned upon them, their shared life had come to such an abrupt stop that it had taken Brian days to recover from the whiplash. Trixie had always been more prepared for unexpected events and while she’d taken a rather precise and controlled u-turn in the middle of the highway, Brian was left standing dumbfounded at the rest stop. He couldn’t but to wonder, how far away Trixie had seen it coming; how long had she been preparing for what now seemed like the inevitable downfall of their relationship?  
  
It had taken Trixie exactly four days to inform Brian that she was moving on and wanted to stay friends. It was possible. Sharon and Alaska had done it. Brian did not think their situation was in anyway comparable to the Shalaska breakup, but he had agreed to try. He had agreed to be reasonable and level-headed. They were both adults and he really did love her. Present tense being the key. Apparently present tense love was not always enough.

It wasn’t until Trixie had asked him if he would mind her dating Kim, that Brian had realised how unhappy he had made her. He watched with fascination, as the Trixie he originally had fallen in love with re-emerged under the gentle care of the Korean queen. The cheeky spark in her eyes was re-lit, and the easygoing laughter he hadn’t heard for months started to revisit their apartment. It was bittersweet to witness and left Brian feeling confused, ashamed and somehow nostalgic. They hadn’t necessarily been unhappy together, but neither had they been truly happy. Brian could finally see it clearly, and the only thing he could do to fix the situation, to make up the past mistakes, was to let her go.  
  
Brian opened the coffee jar and pulled open the top drawer to reach for a tea spoon.  
  
“It’s kinda late for coffee,” Trixie noted as she pushed the pizza slice into the microwave.

The comment made Brian stop momentarily. Trixie was right. It really was late. Whether it was out of spite, or just in order to convince himself of his own independency, Brian decided to proceed with his coffee making. The two teaspoons of the instant coffee melted underneath the hot water. Before Brian had time to turn to the fridge, Trixie placed the milk jug next to him on the counter.  
  
“Thanks,” Brian said with a nod.  
  
“You’re welcome,” Trixie replied politely.

Brian hated how artificial and forced their interactions had become since the breakup. There hadn’t been fighting, yelling, nor broken glass. There hadn’t been shattered mirrors or fractured bones. Right now Brian was hoping that there had been, if only because it would’ve been easier to make sense of. Instead he was faced with something empty and confusing. Something that was clearly right for them, but left him with nothing concrete to be angry or sad about. Never had he imagined that there could be situations where he would hate the rationality of it all.  
  
“I’m thinking of going to Alaska,” Brian blurted out. He wasn’t entirely sure what made him share his plans. He wanted to believe that it was merely to create discussion, but more likely it had something to do with wanting to show Trixie, that he too was capable of moving on. It felt somehow important, that Trixie was aware that Brian didn’t _need_ her to live his life.  
  
“Oh,” Trixie sighed. She sounded surprised. “I didn’t realise it was like that between you two,” she continued and Brian frowned.

“No?” he asked. He wasn’t entirely sure if it was _like that_ between them either. He just knew that the mere thought of Alaska made him happy, and that happy was a feeling he failed to feel in his current surroundings. He acknowledged that on the spectrum of crazy, a sudden trip to a location most people never even dreamed of going, was closer to ‘absolutely fucking insane’ than ‘slightly foolish’, but it all made sense to him in some very confusing way. It felt right.

“No,” Trixie answered and as Brian didn’t know what to say to that, he didn’t say anything.

He turned his gaze from Trixie, back to the milk jug he was holding. It had started sweating in the room temperature and drops of water were slowly racing down its sides. Brian resisted the urge to ask Trixie what she thought about Alaska. She hadn’t asked his opinion about Kim, merely whether he minded them dating so soon. Brian wondered if Trixie would’ve waited before starting her relationship with Kim, had he asked her to.

He placed the milk on the bottom shelf of the fridge and closed the door quietly. He really needed to find an apartment, the sooner the better. He glanced briefly back at Trixie who was leaning against the kitchen counter and staring at the microwave silently. Brian could see from her posture how hard she was trying to look relaxed and at ease. It was painful to watch. He was little surprised at his own feelings, when he realised that he was hoping that Kim would call her later, to make her feel better. Because Brian himself couldn’t do that for her, not anymore, not even if he’d wanted to. 

“Well, I guess good night then,” Brian told her quietly before making his way out of the kitchen with his coffee.  
  
“Good night,” was Trixie’s polite reply and Brian hated her tone. She sounded relieved that he was leaving.

Brian walked back to the living room and placed the coffee mug a good distance away from his laptop before pressing enter. He had to close his eyes briefly and then blink in order to get used to the blue light of the screen. The frontpage of the flight search engine informed him that his session had ended, but also encouraged him with bold, bright orange to do another search. A smiling airplane was wishing him safe and relaxing searches. Brian sighed and glanced at the bookshelf where he spotted a framed photograph of himself and Brian smiling. He clicked the search button and reached for the picture.

_Checked 4 of 16 providers._  
_Searching Odopo…_  
_Checked 8 of 16 providers._  
_Searching Kiwi…_  
_1 of 526 results (show all)._

Brian looked at the photo while taking a sip of his coffee. He couldn’t remember where the picture had been taken, but he recognised the smile on his lips. He looked content and relaxed. He looked happy. He couldn’t remember when he had last seen that smile when looking at the mirror. Maybe it really was time to stop being content and start being happy, _truly_ happy...  
  
_We’ve applied your filters._

Brian pushed the frame back into the bookshelf and glanced at the screen. For him happy equalled Alaska, at least for now. He took a seat in front of the laptop and fiddled with his mobile which he had left on the desk earlier. As he brushed over the fingerprint scanner the phone screen lit and revealed a short notification for a received text message:

 **Alaska:**  
“You sure about this?”

Brian chuckled. Of course he wasn’t fucking sure. He ran his palm through his hair and glanced at the picture of him and Brian once more. He wasn’t sure about anything anymore. Except that he wanted to go, and that it felt right. Right now, right here, happiness equalled Alaska, and if it meant that he needed to board a plane and fly over Canada, so be it. It might’ve been absolutely fucking insane, but wasn’t life inherently little crazy? His had certainly been.  
  
“I’m sure,” he typed out a reply and smiled. He might not have been sure, but the decision felt right, and that would have to do for now.

_Your booking is successful and your payment is completed.  
Thank you for booking with Expedia.com! _


End file.
